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Are You Happy In Your Relationship Or Just Comfortable?

    Being Happy In Your Relationship Is More Than Just Showing Up

    Are you happy in your relationship or just comfortable?  This is a question that we all ponder as time goes on and the thrill and excitement we first felt when we met someone begins to dim. 

    We all want to love and be loved.  We grow up being told about the ‘happily ever after’ we will experience once we find Mr. Or Mrs. Right.  Once we say “I do”, however, it often seems as if there is nothing more to strive for or to look forward to.  We have achieved our objective.  We have moved in together or gotten married and wonder, now what?

    It is from this place that many of our intimate relationships can become stale.  We fall into a pattern of daily living, living a life with someone that the fires of passion have gone out.  This can leave us in a place where we feel comfortable, but are we happy?  We may even question, during these moments, whether we are still in love at all.

    What’s Wrong With Comfortable In Your Relationship?

    You are probably asking yourself by now, “What’s wrong with being comfortable?”  When talking about love it is easy to confuse comfort with happiness.  People stay in loveless relationships all of the time.  They are stuck in their comfort zone and are terrified of the alternative.  They settle for a partner and a stalled relationship because they find safety in their daily routines and dread questioning their level of satisfaction. 

    So how do you know if you are truly happy in your relationship or just comfortable?  

    When You Are Happy In Your Relationship Your Mate Is Your Best Friend

    When you are happy in your relationship, your husband, wife, partner or mate are you best friend, your confidant.  You feel contented being yourself, even if you are acting silly.  You want to be with them and actively make time for shared experiences no matter how busy or crazy your life is in that moment.  Even if it is just a happy-face as a response to a text, that small acknowledgement speaks volumes of your willingness to take the time and connect. 

    Happy couples usually never run out of things to talk about.  They feel content, satisfied and emotionally connected, even in silent moments, just being in each other’s company.  People who are in love make it a point to consult each other about important decisions.  They respect each other and their opinions.  Their desire to work together far exceeds the dynamics that one would experience with a roommate or companion. 

    When You Are Happy In Your Relationship You Feel Connected

    When you are really happy in your relationship or marriage you feel safe.  There is a level of trust that you experience with him or her and a sense of commitment and contentment in the things you do.  People in happy relationships cannot imagine a better place in the world than to be than in the arms of the one they love.   

    When you are happy in your relationship you cannot imagine living without your partner.  It is easy for you to imaging spending the rest of your life with them.  This drives you to do what is needed to keep them in your life.  The idea of losing your lover leaves you feeling as if your heart will break, your life will fall apart and that you are losing everything.  The thought of it is devastating and unimaginable. 

    When You Are Happy In Your Relationship You Enjoy Experiencing New Things

    When you are happy in your relationship you give your partner your heart.  Early on it can be exciting and exhilarating.  There is a willingness to be vulnerable, which can be scary.  In these early days of romantic bliss you might find yourself in a state of euphoria.  There is a spark of excitement that is shared between the two of you.  And while the crazed euphoric feelings you experience early on calm down, they never die.  

    When you are happy in your relationship you find little moments together exciting.  A glance across the room, a hand grasped as you walk through the mall or a soft peck on the cheek.  To someone who is happy these little acts can send shivers down their spine and a flush to their cheeks.  These moments, large or small, create exciting memories to treasure for a lifetime

    When You Are Happy In Your Relationship You Try To Improve Each Other’s Lives

    You can also tell if you are happy in your relationship if you can envision a future together where you share mutual goals be it marriage, children, a new home or new and exciting project.  Together, you are committed to living life to its fullest and embrace the thrill that every day you spend with your lover can feel like an adventure.

    You also work together to improve each other’s lives.  There is a desire for you and your partner to grow, by expanding your boundaries and pushing limits individually and collectively.  Anything is possible.  This sets the foundation for experiencing joy in your life and in your relationship.  Nothing can be more wondrous than meshing your life with another. 

    Key To Being Happy In Your Relationship

    One key aspect of being happy in your relationship is that both people have to be willing to put their time, energy and effort into the relationship.  Life does happen and at times you may not feel well or are bogged down by life challenges.  Hopefully, if you are in a healthy, happy relationship your partner will pick up the slack – best they can.  There is also an acknowledgement that you would do the same for them if the situation were reversed.  

    When you are happy in your relationship you never feel used because your needs are not being met especially during difficult times.  There is recognition in these moments you are only experiencing a bump in the road. 

    So if you want to be happy in your relationship, take life by the balls, take risks and do for your partner all of the things you would want them to do for you.  Not every so often, but all of the time.  Be willing to put 100% of yourself into your love for your partner.  This outlook supports happiness.

    What A Comfortable But Not Necessarily Happy Relationship Is Like


    When you become comfortable with someone your life can easily fall into a pattern.  Many times, we stop looking for the exciting moments in your lives.  You stop building a life together and instead spend your relationship time living on autopilot.  There is not anything wrong with the safety routine offers but if time and energy is not put into the relationship it can become bland, boring, vanilla as they say. 

    What Comfortable But Not Necessarily Happy Looks Like

    When comfort is king, you give up making an effort to fortify the relationship.  There is less delight in couples that stay together for convenience.  They do not make it a point to have and enjoy shared experiences and may discover that any effort they do make seems exhausting. 

    There is less joy in the time spent together.  You go through the motions.  A friend’s picnic, a family party or other social gatherings may be attended but participation is not based on a desire to create lasting memories.  You just go along with things and do not question your inner motivation. 

    If this is you, you are not happy.  You are indifferent and your interactions with your partner are treated with indifference.  The apathy you are experiencing might devolve to where you do not bother asking your former lover to participate at all.  You, instead of being together, may find yourself living parallel lives.  It is comforting to most to have someone to come home to at night, but in reality, that someone could be anyone. 

    So, What’s The Point?

    When you are not happy in your relationship it means you are settling.  There is an unspoken assumption that relationships do not need any work or effort to keep them vital.  This methodology, instead of experiencing the beauty a healthy relationship provides, it withers on the vine and dies.  You are not happy, you just exist together.

    One Sure Way To Tell If You Are Happy In Your Relationship

    The thrill that we experience at the onset of a relationship always diminishes over time.  One sure way to know if you are happy in your relationship or just comfortable is by evaluating your excitement level about your partner.  There should be moments when you do feel excited by their presence:  when you see them after a long days work or when you go out on a date.  Indifference is a tell tale sign that maybe the love is gone.

    It does not have to be that way.  The deep, emotional attachment that you felt at first can be rekindled and the sparks reinvigorated.  True love requires work.  It requires time, energy and commitment.  You can either choose to love your partner, every day, or you choose to let things slide into the doldrums of convenience.  Personally, I choose happiness and love.

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