Emotional Dysregulation & the Stress Response: A Guide to Trauma Recovery

Understanding Emotional Regulation vs. Dysregulation

Written and Reviewed by: Dr. Rita Louise, PhD, ND

Table of Contents

• Understanding Emotional Regulation vs. Dysregulation
• Emotional Regulation and Trauma
• The Effect of Long-Term Trauma
• Trauma, Emotional Regulation, and C-PTSD
• Emotional Triggers and Flashbacks
• Mindfulness: Stopping Negative Thoughts
• The Realm of Intrusive Thoughts
• Mindfulness & Healing the Out-of-Control Mind
• Practical Mindfulness Techniques
• Reclaiming Your Medical Sovereignty
• About The Author

Having and experiencing emotions is a normal part of our lives. Everyone has them, both positive and negative. When we are able to effectively manage our response to an emotional situation, we are demonstrating good emotional regulation.

Emotional regulation is the ability to handle the way we feel by controlling our emotional state, including how we experience our emotions and express our feelings. Having healthy emotional regulation allows us to cope, bounce back from, and stay calm during challenging situations.

Imagine something frustrating happens to you and you are triggered. Internally, there is an upsurge of emotions brewing inside. You might want to scream and yell, throw something, or curl up in a ball and cry in response. Having healthy emotional regulation buys you time before you act or react to what was triggered. Perhaps you took a few deep breaths or counted to 10 before you responded. This slight pause may have curtailed a sudden impulsive emotional response and offered you the time needed to restore rational thinking and objectivity to what just transpired.

Emotional Regulation Is A Learned Skill

We are not born with the natural ability to emotionally regulate. Everyone’s emotions spin out of control every once in a while. For some people, their feelings, when triggered, can seem overwhelming, like an out-of-control roller coaster. Their inner world gets caught up in a destructive cycle of worry or rumination that is hard to stop. Their fight, flight, freeze, or fawn stress response automatically activates.

This combination can cause us to respond to the event in an over-the-top way where we find ourselves lost in our emotions. When we are unable to emotionally recover from negative events, we are in a state of emotional dysregulation.

Emotional regulation is a skill we learn from our parents or caregivers. In a healthy environment, children learn that they can reach out for comfort and safety from these individuals when they are experiencing problems. The nurturing the child receives teaches them that the world is safe. This gives them the opportunity to self-soothe as well as develop skills to cope with a problem.

Emotional Regulation and Trauma

This is not the case for someone who has experienced severe trauma and suffers from PTSD or c-PTSD. A trauma survivor’s emotions can trigger quickly, be displayed on a grander scale, and for a longer duration. They are often more emotionally responsive and are challenged with the ability to control the overwhelm they feel inside. They experience intense emotions more frequently and feel like they have no control over them when triggered.

They may feel anger or rage, they may display aggressive behaviors or “freak out.” They may blame or accuse others or lash out before they know the facts. They may break down in tears or overreact to what seems like a non-issue. Internally, they are experiencing fear, guilt, sadness, frustration, self-loathing, worthlessness, or feel abandoned. This all happens, many times, before they can stop themselves.

In addition to this whirlwind of emotions they are feeling inside, people with emotional regulation issues do not know what to do to stop their feelings or reduce the intensity of them. Upsetting situations tend to bring up strongly felt emotions that are difficult for them to recover from. They have a hard time letting go of irrational intrusive thoughts, quiet their minds, and let go of negative emotions. Once activated, they cannot stop thinking about it even when on a rational level they recognize it is time to let it go.

Disconnection as a Form of Dysregulation

There is another aspect when talking about emotional dyregulation. It is the tendency to be disconnected from your feelings. People who are emotionally dysregulated may have a hard time sorting out their feelings or problems when they are upset. They might not take their feelings into consideration or may think they are unimportant or unreasonable. When challenged, their emotions may be so overwhelming that they cannot make sense of what is going on inside.

People who utilize the fawn or freeze response as their primary stress response may be more susceptible to this form of emotional dysregulation. Fawn types choose to give up on themselves and their feelings. They have been so well trained they naturally and automatically put themselves to the side or out of their minds. The mind of Freeze types goes completely blank and their ability to identify what is going on inside becomes absent or limited when triggered.

The Effect of Long-Term Trauma

The ability children have to protect themselves from a threat is limited by their mental maturity. Small children experience a variety of situations that may seem scary to them. A disapproving look from a parent can activate the child’s stress response system and leave the vulnerable child feeling hurt, betrayed, unloved, uncared for, or abandoned.

In families that utilize healthy parenting, this perceived threat can be readily addressed or quickly minimized by offering the upset child love, support, or nurturing. This lets the child know that they are safe and loved while assisting them as they resolve their internal conflict. These acts work to de-escalate the threat and teach the child healthy emotional regulation.

This is not the case in dysfunctional families. The child might be neglected. There might be physical, mental, emotional, or sexual abuse. Many times parental intervention into a traumatic or threatening situation is absent. This leaves the child alone having to toughen up or figure things out for themselves.

Trauma and the Stress Response System

Trauma affects everyone differently. Traumatic events push the nervous system outside its ability to regulate itself. For children who constantly experience emotional stress—such as fear, judgment, or rejection—their stress response system never gets turned off. Their developing bodies never get a chance to recover.

This can leave the child perceiving danger around every corner. It can also cause the child’s automatic stress response to become dysregulated, causing them to respond excessively to potentially dangerous situations. It may also cause them to get stuck in a particular stress response—be it Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn—where they use the same response method whenever a threat is presented.

Trauma, Emotional Regulation, and C-PTSD

The emotional dysregulation an adult experiences may be subtle and lie just below the surface or it can be downright destructive. It might manifest as anxiety, depression, anger or rage, numbing, dissociation, negative beliefs, low self-worth, avoidance of attachment, people pleasing, or codependency. Individuals who have dramatic, over-the-top responses to a threat may also be suffering from Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or C-PTSD.

People who suffer from C-PTSD can have difficulty controlling their emotions and emotional responses. Excessive life trauma interferes with the delicate balance found in the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. The sympathetic nervous system is tied to our fight or flight response. The parasympathetic nervous system is allied to our freeze or fawn responses. C-PTSD symptoms interfere with the hormonal equilibrium exhibited by these two systems and how we respond to stress.

Research into Trauma and C-PTSD

Research suggests that memories of unresolved hurtful events can lie dormant in our body’s nervous system and in organs such as the amygdala. The amygdala is tied to emotional processing and regulation. It is a key structure in the formation of memories of fearful events.

These studies indicate that “trauma” occurs when our bodies are overwhelmed and unable to release the energy of the stress-filled event. We do this through things like screaming, crying, or shaking. These activities allow the body to discharge the harmful energy generated. If it is not addressed and ultimately released, it remains in the tissues only to come to the surface when activated by a present-day event.

Things that are no longer dangerous or a threat can trigger a traumatized individual. This can cause them to react to a seemingly minor stressor. What stresses them might not be obvious to most people, but it can cause the traumatized person to overreact for no apparent reason to an observer. The smallest reminder of a harrowing event—a color, a smell, a sound, or even a feeling—can set a person with C-PTSD off. A war veteran who hears a car backfire and automatically ducks for cover is the classic example of this. You do not need to be a veteran to have a dysregulated stress response.

Emotional Triggers and Flashbacks

When a trigger is encountered, it causes the person to have the same intense feeling they experienced during the original trauma. When this is happening, the person is having what is called an “emotional flashback.” The person unconsciously and many times reactively feels threatened and unsafe. This can cause them to react like a vulnerable child who was scared, hurt, betrayed, unloved, uncared for, or abandoned.

A trigger might leave them feeling empty or hopeless, as if they are damaged goods or worthless. They may feel hostile or distrustful toward others, which may cause them to avoid friendships or deep relationships. They may feel like nobody likes them, that they are completely different from other people, or as if no one understands them. The flashback may also trigger dissociative symptoms.

Many times individuals who suffer from emotional flashbacks do not recognize that when they are reacting to a present-day situation they are, in actuality, responding to a trauma they suffered years before. If they pay attention, the traumatized individual may begin to notice the same, recurring response pattern to specific stressors. This awareness is one way of understanding what is actually going on inside. It can open the door to finding real and profound healing.

Mindfulness: Stopping Negative Thoughts

According to Healthline.com, mindfulness is the practice of gently focusing our awareness on the present moment over and over again. Unfortunately, many of us live our lives on autopilot. We exist day to day programmed like an automaton and never consider the choices we have. We let our old habits dominate what we do and what we think.

We have walked down the same familiar well-worn path for so long that we assume this is what life is all about. We unwittingly accept it and do not believe that it can be better or different. We can become so entrenched in our habitual patterns that we do not even realize that we are not living, but are only surviving.

If thoughts of peace and serenity are the goal, where are you now? We all have moments when life events disturb our inner world. Depending on what it is, we may be able to naturally emotionally regulate and quickly recover our composure, thus returning to our normal healthy and happy state. At other times, situations can set something off within us that we may find difficult, if not impossible, to shake off.

If your inner world is in disarray, you will never be content or happy. When you are caught up in a cycle of worry or rumination, you are bogged down living with an internal world filled with pain, shame, self-criticism, or judgment. Many trauma survivors, when triggered, reflexively get caught up in a runaway cycle of negative thinking. Their inner child’s deep-seated fears and insecurities may come center stage and end up running the show. Their bodies and minds may be unable to rest because they are stuck in the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn stress response.

When we are not in the present moment, we miss out on life as it unfolds before us. Instead, our thoughts are either in the past or in the future. We may not realize we have mentally digressed and may believe that we are utilizing our mental energy in a helpful, productive way. Triggering often brings on a cascade of thoughts that can keep us in a negative thought pattern, out of the present moment, and missing out on life. One symptom is the formation of intrusive thoughts.

The Realm of Intrusive Thoughts

Under normal circumstances, when we are in good working order, a challenging event occurs and a corresponding thought enters our mind. We may react to it, but after a short period, we are able to let it go and move on with our lives. However, if we have a high emotional response and issues with emotional regulation, our mind might want to keep the situation alive.

This is the realm of intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are a thought pattern that is stuck in your head. It is like hearing the lyrics to a song over and over again and being unable to make them stop. These thoughts may revolve around work, our decisions, or our relationships. We can have intrusive thoughts on just about any topic if there is a powerful emotional charge tied to it. Worry and rumination are the most common forms of persistent negative thinking and a clear indicator that we are stuck in a stress response.

Rumination: Reliving the Past

Rumination, as defined by Verywell Mind, is when we over-think or obsess over a situation or event that is upsetting. If you are not sure what rumination is, it is when we relive the details of an argument with a friend repetitively in our mind and just cannot let it go. People will often ruminate when something frustrating, threatening, or insulting happens. Many times we do not even realize we are ruminating. Regardless of what we do to shake it off, our minds keep coming back to the situation trying to make sense of what happened.

Worry: Anticipating the Future

Worrying is similar to rumination, where our mind becomes trapped in an endless cycle of attempting to figure things out. The key difference between the two is that people who ruminate focus their mental energy on resolving past events, while worriers focus on the future.

Worry, according to PsychCentral, is a cycle of living with the question “what if” in the forefront. When we worry, we imagine potential outcomes to an unknown event in an attempt to solve suspected problems in our lives. It is when our thoughts become persistent and uncontrollable that they become a cause for concern. Worry can be the first stage in a much larger negative thinking process, underscoring the manifestation of anxiety and panic.

Mindfulness & Healing the Out-of-Control Mind

It is in these challenging moments that healing can occur. The trick? Paying attention to what is going on inside. The act of raising our awareness to our inner world is called “mindfulness.” Mindfulness, by default, puts us into the present moment. It helps us to stop overthinking and draws our attention back to the here and now. This simple change can literally transform you from the inside out.

As you begin to focus your time and attention on yourself, you may start to detect patterns of negative thoughts invading your inner world. Our runaway disparaging thinking can unequivocally impact our ability to moderate our emotional pain and inhibit our ability to emotionally regulate. When we indulge in unhealthy thinking, we reinforce our negative feelings about ourselves which further chips away at our self-esteem.

What Life Feels Like in the Present Moment

When we are in the present moment, we feel whole, confident, powerful, and secure. We are firmly planted in our bodies. Our subtle life force energy (chi) readily flows into the top of our heads, via our seventh chakra, through our physical body, and out through our grounding cord by way of the first chakra. In this state, we feel calm and relaxed. Our anxiety is low or absent and life’s little difficulties have a hard time sticking to us.

How Our Brain Works: The One-Thought Rule

We often think that our minds are filled with hundreds, if not thousands, of thoughts all speaking to us at the same time. This belief is a fallacy. Research suggests we can only have one thought occupying our mind at a time. The constant barrage of ideas, opinions, and beliefs passing through our awareness are all competing for the same mental slot available in our consciousness.

If you are thinking about an upcoming adventurous outing, then that is your one thought. If you are obsessing about an ex, then that is the thought filling your solitary cognitive spot. This small detail can be exploited to support our healing. We can employ it by purposefully redirecting our one thought from a destructive intrusive one to anything of our choosing.

Practical Mindfulness Techniques

The practice of mindfulness is something that needs to be repeated over and over again until we change our internal habitual patterns.

Taking Inventory

When you are feeling anxious, upset, hurt, or frustrated, there is a disruption in “the force.” One of your inner wounds, a previous trauma, or a negative core belief may have become activated. You can use these moments to become your own private detective.

• What just happened that stirred me up?
• Why am I feeling so anxious?
• What thoughts keep rolling around in my mind?
• What am I feeling in my body while all of this is going on?

The Ho’oponopono and Breathing

One simple mindfulness technique you can use is called the Ho’oponopono. It is a Hawaiian meditative practice of reconciliation and forgiveness consisting of four simple statements:

• I’m sorry,
• Please forgive me,
• I love you,
• Thank you.

Tied to this is breathing! Breathing is a great tool for calming both the sympathetic nervous system and your overtaxed mind. It naturally puts your body into a relaxed state. Stress can negatively affect our immune system; when we breathe deeply, it activates our parasympathetic nervous system, which makes it easier for the body to relax and reduce inner tensions.

Working with Worry and the “Worry Break”

If worry and anxiety are where your mind traditionally goes, ask yourself:

• Is it really that bad?
• What is the worst thing that could happen?
• What steps can I take to resolve this situation?

You might also try the strategy of postponing your negative thoughts. Give yourself permission to put them off until a later designated time. Tell yourself you do not need to think about it right now. Sometimes just by putting them off, you can stop feeding the negative momentum and eventually let go of them entirely.

Talking It Out and Self-Care

Sometimes it is a good idea to talk to someone about what you are thinking and feeling. Journaling is also another wonderful technique you can use to sort out your thoughts.

Try to find some quiet time: meditate, go for a walk outside, work in your garden, or read a book. Take a hot Epsom salt bath (magnesium sulfate) for 15 to 20 minutes with a few drops of Lavender or Neroli oil. Baths are a great way to help the body discharge emotional energies it may be holding onto and promote a restful night’s sleep.

Reclaiming Your Medical Sovereignty

Finally, acknowledge that this too shall pass. Emotional dysregulation is not a life sentence; it is a signal that your body is still trying to protect you from a threat that has passed. By understanding the biology of your stress response and employing mindfulness, you begin the process of “unwinding” the nervous system.

Emotional dysregulation is not a life sentence; it is a signal that your body is still trying to protect you from a threat that has passed. By understanding the biology of your stress response and employing mindfulness, you begin the process of “unwinding” the nervous system.

This journey is the heart of Medical Sovereignty, a theme found throughout this site. Whether you are exploring the 4 Stress Responses, working through the bioenergetics of your chakras, or navigating the complexities of C-PTSD, the goal remains the same: to move from autopilot back into the present moment. When you can identify an emotional flashback as it happens, you step out of the “Survival Loop” and back into your own power. True healing resides right here, in the now.

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About The Author

Dr. Rita Louise is a Naturopathic Physician who specializes in medical intuition. She has over 30 years of clinical experience in holistic wellness and trauma recovery. She is the founder of the Institute of Applied Energetics and a bestselling author of seven books on health, healing, psychology and the human experience. Dr. Louise holds a PhD in Natural Health Counseling and is a recognized expert in the mind-body connection. Her work focuses on patient advocacy and empowering individuals through informed health choices. Connect with Dr. Rita’s research on Substack or explore her clinical services at SoulHealer.com.

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